She was the hottest thing the world over, giving talks, teaching workshops, selling MindValley courses, the paradigm of a new freedom for women in sexuality, through the magic of tantra.
And then, after a sunny day in SoCal, on March 26th, 2017, with the sun just setting over the ocean, she took a handful of pills, washed it down with whiskey, and prepared for the end.
Suddenly, America had lost she who was the most shining star of sexual freedom and tantric ecstasy: Psalm Isadora.
Her death was like a lightning strike in the whole conscious sexuality community.
What did it mean when your mentor, your teacher, your guru kills herself?
Does that mean the teachings were defective?
That they don’t work?
That she had a mental illness? An imbalance of some sort?
There were infinite questions, and very few answers. Even to this day.
I remember my own shock…her death was a gigantic blow for American and Western tantra in general.
I have studied tantra in some form since 2008. And I think it holds the key for liberation not just individually, but for the collective.
But, as demonstrated, this is harder than it sounds.
And I’ve been looking: who will be the next guru? The one who will lead us into the sexual and spiritual promised land?
And, last year in January, I found her.
At least, I found someone who I thought had the *potential* to be the One, in many ways. Or at least, one of the great feminine leaders into the future.
Anyway, we went back and forth. On and off. In various degrees of connection and sharing.
Until, one night, about a month after she had politely told me to *&#% off for, basically “trying to help too much”, she reached out to me.
I will never forget December 17, 2023.
“I’m sorry…” she began.
“What for?” I asked.
“I want to stop hurting people,” through tears.
I really couldn’t even compute what she was saying. The only intimation I had that she was suffering was an energetic connection that seemed to send me powerful signals that she was somehow in deep pain. But she hid it well. At least from her fans.
She was lonely?
She was hurting?
And she was hurting…people?
What was going on?
“Don’t you have anyone else to talk to?” I asked.
“No.”
How could this be?
So beautiful. So powerful. So gifted.
And so alone. And in so much pain.
Was this the next Isadora? And would she be able to avoid the fate of the last one who stepped out so powerfully?
I didn’t know.
But, it seemed somehow that my entire life had prepared me for this moment. I have been helping powerful women who work with sexuality for over a decade at this point. I have seen things I didn’t believe could happen, happen. But this one was going to take me to, and perhaps even past my breaking point.
As we journeyed together–off and on–over the next few months, I was blessed to see parts of her that very few people see.
And the crisis became more intense. And her cries got louder, while trying to move the mission forward. Finally, she said what no one wants to hear from someone they love.
And I love her.
“I want to die.”
What now?
Every time we spoke when she was in this dark place, afterwards, she said, “I feel better now.”
Was it helping?
Was I helping?
I’m sure I didn’t handle things as well as I should have. We were trying to do a lot at once. I didn’t know how intense her feelings were.
And then, it must have become too much.
Things collapsed. Yet again.
I didn’t know if she was ok. I just knew she had broken off contact for now, again. Ironically, shortly after asking me to fly to her to help in person. Then gone. No explanation.
It was touch and go for awhile. But now she seems to be doing better. Which makes me happy.
Part of this is to document the journey which Hannah gave me permission once to write about: if the Western women are going to save this world, *how* are they going to do that?
Whose stories do they rely on?
Whose templates do they follow?
Whose drum do they beat to?
Honestly, my feeling is, it will be Hannah’s. For many at least.
Not because she is perfect. But precisely because she has overcome and is overcoming so much.
None of us, the sensitive ones, get a free pass to our true selves.
I can’t tell you _exactly_ why it will be her. But I’ve seen her greatness. I’ve seen her do great things. I will share about them.
I have felt it from our first conversation. And it has been confirmed to me a hundred times since then, in hardship and pleasure, in exasperation and deep connection. She is something special. Very special.
I am willing to bet all my marbles on her and this journey.
And to serve Her in whatever way I can.
That’s the point of this. To tell a story for those who also want to create part of the new world that is coming.
She is always calling for social media “slaves”. And so it’s my job to use my gifts to support her journey as much as I can.
Here we go.
TBC
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